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[25 Oct 2005|11:05pm] |
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Oh. mygod. I'm on livejournal. what IS this? it's like a forgotten universe. wow so how are all my still ljing peeps? (aka kim)
wow so life has been one hell of a rollercoaster since i've been here, and i will now proceed to document the emotions i have felt starting from since i got here till now. enjoy.
omg i'm soooo scared! college!! ah!!
omg i love my suitemates! college is awesome!! parties! drink up me harties!
omg live SUCKS so much work i'm sick i want to go home!
stress stress stress
unstress...parties, suitemates, hallies woo!
hm...there are boys here...
cute ones...
yay i love college life is AMAZING!
i'm so scared...and i like it
wait. holy shit life WHY...drama
oh Jekyl and Hyde. Hyde should have throttled jekyl in his sleep. damn jekyl.
end of drama...life ROCKS!!
OMG LIFE IS AMAZING
I LOVE LIFE..can it really be this good?
WOO
oh wait. life can't be this good. knew it.
life sucks. everything has come crashing down.
i've never been more depressed in my life
WHY GOD WHY
Drink up me harties!!!
ok maybe drinking was a bad idea...a VERY bad idea
CRY...A LOT
ok maybe life's not THAT bad
getting better
present: it's cold and rainy. and i'm not doing homework. but i suppose in the end it's all worth it and college still rocks my socks. i've grown up a lot in the past 2 months.
that may make partial sense to some...maybe
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| Spring Break Thus Far |
[21 Mar 2005|03:03pm] |
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So Spring Break has begun! And it's off to a slow start.
First: Hung out with Kim and Teddy the other day and, as Kim has already said in her entry, it made me realize what a pathetic existence I lead
Second: my friend Mim from LA is in town looking at colleges (HAHA sucks for her) and is staying with me a few days. We went to Chinatown w/ Kim, Lucky, and Ali, where we wandered around aimlessly, ate some dumplings, and left. (Btw guys, Mim was seriously freaked out by the beef, as was I, but I am more accustomed to your outlandish ways)
Third: I am now sitting at home doing nothing, as usual. Mim is with her family on college tours and won't be back till 5:30. And I have NO CLUE WHAT TO DO WITH HER. Tomorrow we are going to the Met but then what?? wander aimlessly around the city? Any suggestions in the next few hours would be most welcome. To amuse myself I went out on a fruitless quest for foldable headphones. I went to PC Richards, Circuit City, Radio Shack, and Best Buy, and found nothing. I'll have to get them online I think. Ran into Eunice and that was nice because we haven't talked in a while. Hopefully we will keep in touch more. I know y'all think she's wierd but she's really different now I think.
Highlight: I have been rereading LOTR and it is the only way to escape the pathetic boringness of my life. It's like a refuge.
PS: I've got all these questions and fears and stuff i'm not sure of and uncomfortable with running through my head and I can't talk about them and I want to but i don't and i think i'm making too big of a deal about them becasue that's me and i'm paranoid but UGH I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. On the other hand, maybe it's just pms. I always feel my most depressed and insecure around that time of the month. So maybe it will all just go away. It just feels like my questions about myself just can't get answered fast enough. But i'm going to have to wait a little while for their answers.
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[10 Mar 2005|06:50pm] |
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Ho hum pig's bum
So I made another doll to go with my set. But it's a tad too wide and the head is disproportionally tall. Sadness. Hopefully Rubin will help me fix it.
Ok so Rich and I were hanging out after school and we ran into dale and some other people on the fifth floor. Dale was being really perverted as ususal. Rich and I went into a classroom and were drawing on the blackboard. Then Dale comes in and says he takes life drawing and wants to see if he can draw me. The drawing didn't look like me at all, but anyway, then he draws a guy jerking off on my head in reference to some obscene thing I can't spell and don't care to elaborate on. He didn't mean to target it at me personally at all and the drawing didn't even look like me, but I was really offended by it. I'm still kind of upset about it. Like I said I know it had nothing to do with me, but the fact that I was the model of the drawing made me feel really upset and demeaned. I felt like i had been somehow associated with a dirty whore (even tho, as i've said, I realize that wasn't dale's intention). Maybe i'm overreacting, and I'm going to sound really corny and prudish and preachy right now, but as a girl who takes pride in the respect I have for myself and my body it really got to me, and I wanted to get it off my chest.
To end on a brighter note, I have absolutely no homework.
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[09 Mar 2005|11:04pm] |
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This seems to be the month of doing things I've been too lazy to keep up until now. I'm eating better, I'm doing crunches, and now I'm even ljing! I realized that i was missing out on some important stuff that was going on with my friends (aka Rich your last entry) by not ljing and I also realized that we are all going to be gone next year (except for my furry hobbit friend...you know who you are) and that this is the perfect way to keep up with each other's lives!
So I saw a good west wing episode tonight (I can hear all of you groning). Go Santos!!
I had to reflect on my peer leadership experience in a "journal reflection." We had our last official session today. About sex. I feel bad for the british girl that had to sit in on it. I'm happy that I'll have that extra lab, but i'll miss the little froshies. We really formed a cohesive group. And we have all these inside jokes. it's pretty cool actually. I'm kind of happy I won't have to deal with the awkwardness that is my partnership and the fact that I'm totally silent in PL class. I had a major crisis of confidence in that class this year. It was the first time that has ever happened to me in a classroom. But it was a huge learning experience. I need to learn to not be afraid of what i have to say. And i need to learn not to be afraid to speak up and get people to notice me. I mean obviously with probably everyone who reads this I don't have that problem because you are my closest friends. But when i'm with people i don't know very well i kind of freak. But i mean i learned how to lead a group. Which i think is a really valuable skill.
One of my johnny dailies is a picture of johnny IN A BATH TUB!!! pants. (not the clothing. i mean me panting)
I'm tired. It's 11:14. It's too early to be tired. Well not really i guess.
I feel stupid rambling like this.
Kim how do you find and join communities?
Peace out home skillets!
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[27 Feb 2005|03:35pm] |
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sorry everyone the paragraphs i mentioned didn't exactly come out in the post
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| OMG I'M LJING!!! |
[27 Feb 2005|03:22pm] |
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Hello everyone! I know you are all probly falling over with the shock of my LJing but I just had an incredibly wierd experience that I felt would be best shared through writing since i want to tell all of you and i don't feel like doing it again and I told it best in the precis i wrote for history class. Oh wait. Before I go any furthere I'd just like to say to Rich that I hope by this time you are feeling better. So anyway, as most of you probly know already, I had a history assignment to go to a religious service not of my own religion. Meredith and I decided to go
a-worshipping together because we were scared to go alone. We decided to make it interesting by going to a Scientology service, and that happened today. And, no offense to all you Scientologists out there, but this religion is CRAZY. That said, I will now give you a full recount of the service by cutting and pasting my precis into this entry. Feel free to skip to the third paragraph if you get bored.
Scientology Precis: On Being Processed
After circling the block several times, Meredith and I finally got up the courage to enter the Celebrity Center Church of Scientology and attend a service. We went to the second floor and sat down at the back of the room. The room was pretty small and cozy, with some rows of chairs set out (there were only ten people there, including Meredith, the minister, and I). The walls were all wood, and for the most part bare. At the front of the room there was a piano, a podium in the center and a bust of L. Ron Hubbard to the left of it. On the podium was a large book, from which the minister read everything he said. The “lecture” (which is the correct world because it was run as though the minister was teaching a class) began by the minister reading the Creed of Scientology, which basically stated that all people are equal and should have the right to practice whatever religion they want, pursue whatever endeavors they wish to pursue, and adopt whatever lifestyle suits them best.
The topic of the lecture was “Consideration and Mechanics.” The minister explained that everything we do in life is the result of a “yes” or “no” decision that we have made, so, life is essentially a series of simple yes or no questions, or considerations. These decisions are made by the “logic” portion of our brain. He then asked if anyone present had ever experienced feelings of doubt or uncertainty, which, of course, everyone had. He told us that any feeling of doubt or uncertainty is caused by the “reactive” part of our brain, which responds to the mechanics, or, physical things in our universe. In other words, interruptions made by physical things in our universe cause us to rethink our yes or no decisions, which in turn causes us to collect a series of “maybes” in our minds. These maybes are the cause of all uncertainty that makes our lives difficult. The goal of Scientology, he explained, is to help us rid our minds of all maybes, so that we are able to make clear yes or no decisions. So basically, Scientology is designed to help simplify the world into black and white.
This simplification of the universe is done by what is called “processing.” Since Meredith and I had no idea what processing was, the minister kindly explained it for us. Processing can be done one-on-one or in a group, and it is when a minister asks you a series of questions that allow you to become more at one with the universe or something like that. He then said that anyone who was going to do their processing individually could do so at that time. After that, only three people remained besides Meredith and me, and then the fun began. I was expecting processing to be the minister asking deep, soul-searching questions, but no. The first thing he said was “find the floor.” We all looked at the floor. “Is it there?”
“Yes.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Now find the chair. Is it there?” etc.
This went on for a really long time. We were told to find the left wall, the right wall. Were there any fundamental differences between them? Find the ceiling, find the floor. Thank you, now find the chair. Now find the distance between you and the front wall. Look at the actual distance. You have it? Good. Now look at the distance between you and your eyeballs. Now look at the distance between you and the front wall. Now look at the distance between you and your eyeballs. He repeated this particular command no fewer than ten times. (ok i have to add an embarrassing tidbit: during a silent reflection period in which were were supposed to be trying to picture ourselves holding the two back corners of the room, and then not thinking, my stomach growled violently and everyone heard. Then i started laughing and the minister glared at me) Then we were told to laugh for about five minutes. Finally, after finding the chair and the walls and the ceiling several more times, the lecture ended after a recitation of the Scientology Prayer. We were given absolutely no explanation of what looking at the distance between ourselves and our eyeballs was supposed to have done for us. My overall assessment of the experience can best be summed up in what Meredith and I said to each other when we left: “What??”
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| hurt and angry enough for an update |
[25 Sep 2004|09:09pm] |
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OK so most of my Dalton friends have already heard about this, but Rachel I especially want tell you about it since you and I stand the same way on this issue.
So homecoming is next weekend and in peer leadership (which for those of you who don't know is this thing where a group of seniors in pairs get a group of freshman every week to kind of mentor and talk to about high school issues and such)...anyway in peer leadership we were discussing how to talk to the freshman about homecoming because of all the partying and stuff. The school drug councelor was there running the discussion and she told us at the end to break off into our partner groups and talk about what we would like to say to the froshies. Now my partner, Charles, has always been a big part of the hole party scene and as all of you know, I don't drink and don't do the party thing at all. So already i felt awkward. So then he starst saying things like, well I know there were certain things that i would have found really helpful to know as a freshman, like the hole liquor before beer thing. And I was like, I don't think that's something we need to tell the freshman, but is that event true? He looked at me like i was a feak and was like um ya it is true and i really wish someone had told me that. so by this time i felt so horribly awkward that the conversation just degenerated and i was unable to clearly articulate what i wanted to say, which was that i don't think the homecoming conversation needs to center around drinking. all we need to do is talk about basically how to be safe and not stupid and let them know that you can still have fun at homecoming without drinking. but anyway, i just started stuttering and not being able to say anything. then charles was like look, it's clear that we have had very different social experiences. and i was like, ya. then he said that that's why he wished that i'd have come to his party last saturday so that i could seen what really goes on. now obviously, charles was never invited me to a party before. so basically he was implying that he invited me so that i could get some experience. i felt like such complete crap. it totally crushed all my confidence. i mean, i'm just not interested in doing that right now, it's not like i think it's bad to go to parties or whatever. i'm simply content the way i am. but at the same time it's been hard because you know that like everyone else is out on saturday night having lives and you aren't. like it's almost to the point that i'm embarrassed to admit to people who aren't my closest friends that i haven't had any like "party experience." so charles just made me feel like total crap and that because of my social choices i had nothing to offer the freshman. i mean, i've been worrying about that ever since i got accepted into peer leadership anyway. but now i realize that i do have a lot to offer, and i don'thave to have gone to parties to give advice. and also, i think it's important to be able to tell freshman that they do have the option not to drink if they don't want to. i don't want to be holier than thou, because i don't feel that way at all. but i'm going to have to talk to charles and tell him how he made me feel. like i was crying to tessa about it (how wierd is it that i talked to the drug lady about not ever having drank or taken drugs?). but i'm going to have to tell him because it's wrong of him to think of me as not having anything to contribute. i also want to tell him that the homecoming talk really doesn't have to be all about alcohol. that should just be a part of it. ugh ok i've vented enough.
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| A much needed update |
[05 Sep 2004|10:20pm] |
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Hello Fans!
I think it is high time to update my journal since I just realized that my last entry was when i came back from Atlanta. So much has happened! On a rather sad note, my grandfather in Savannah passed away. It was wierd because it didn't hit me till I was down there. I mean, I've known him all my life, but I was never as close with him as my NY grandpa and it was wierd because at the funeral I completely lost it. I think it was more because I saw the coffin and it was my first real adult experience with death. Then the rabbi was like "if anyone would like to come up and participate in the mitzvah..." meaning take a shovel and throw dirt into the grave. My mom, who gave an amazing speech that made me cry, beckoned me to go but I just stood there. I couldn't bring myself to do it. And I completely broke down. Then we went back and sat at the house for the next 2 days. On a lighter note, there were so many odd people who came to the house. My dad and I, desperately bored by the end of the second day, started making a wierd list.
On a much happier note, I went on the peer leadership retreat the day after I got back from Savannah. It was one of the best experiences of my life. So on the bus up, we had to sit with someone we didn't know very well. Michael Neff asked me to sit with him. I was anticipating a very awkward bus ride, but it was great. We had a nice conversation and it never got awkward from not knowing what to say next. And you could already tell that everyone was coming together because we all played a game of word association, which was a lot of fun. I wont go into everything but here are the highlights of the trip: The HIGH ROPES COURSE!!! I can't believe I did it. It was the most physically challenging thing i've ever had to do. picture basically an obstacle course made of ropes and cables that are suspended in the trees, about the same hight as my window is from the ground. So that was an incredible feeling to complete that. But the real high point of the trip for me was the climbing wall. I tried once and got stuck in this one spot. then I tried again and got stuck again. I wanted to come down but Noah, who was holding my rope, wouldn't let me. He kept on encouraging me and telling me what to do. Then everyone joined in. It was the most incredible feeling to hear everyone, even people I didn't know, cheering for me and encouraging me. About a million tries later I finally got up the wall. I have never felt so good. I was so touched by everyone's encouragement that I had tears in my eyes when I was at the top. I wouldn't have been able to do it without them, so thanks guys (which I guess is Sarah since she's the only LJ user i know of that's a peer leader). Then there was choosing partners. I was so proud of how mature everyone was. We considered all boy girl pairs and everyone had input on whether or not they would work. We all listened to each other really well. My partner is Charles. And at the end he seemed kind of reluctant because he has never worked with me before and wanted to work with Julia because he knew he'd be comfortable. Finally I just told him look, i hate to be harsh, but i know that this will take work, and I am willing to step up to the plate and work really hard to make it work. If you don't feel comfortable doing that then say so and i'll make it work with someone else, because I don't want to spend the year feeling like you feel that you got stuck with me. It was the most assertive and firm I have ever been with a peer in my life. It felt really good!! I can't wait to continue this experience and see how it goes.
OK final thing: I saw Garden State with Kim the other day. SOOOO GOOD!! it was so brilliantly done. And forget about the movie, the soundtrack is the most amazing compilation of songs I have ever heard. I have listened to it nonstop since I got it. The songs have this deep sadness that is really beautiful (alright, i know that was corny but it's true). There are 2 that make me want to cry. One of them is going to be the song that is played at my wedding, when only the bride and groom are dancing. It is called "Such Great Heights" by Iron and Wine. The sound is so simple and sad, but the words are not sad. I highly recommend everyone listen to it and then when you are all at my wedding you will be able to know the history behind it lol. So before I end this entry, I'd like you all to read this excerpt from my song:
"They will see us waving from such great heights. 'Come down now,' they'll say. But everything looks perfect from far away. 'Come down now!' But we'll stay"
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[01 Aug 2004|09:46am] |
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o i'm back from atlanta and I had soooo much fun!!! It was the best trip back that I've had since I've been here. I stayed at one of my best friend's (her name is rahima) house and it was awesome. The first day she took me to her CERAMICS class and I GOT TO THROW!! it felt soo good to feel clay again. and i made one nice piece. the rest was crap. but the place we went to ended up being this library that i spent my entire childhood at! like i went there when i was really really little. and i performed in a play there. so i got to relive my childhood. it was awesome. later that day she, and i, and my two other old friends, marybeth and alex went on a picnic in this park that has a three mile walking path near the river that runs through the city, the chattahoochee. but the picnic was at 7 at night and by the time we got there it looked like it was going to pour. oh and alex went off and peed in the woods lol. and so we decide to walk the path and it starts out fine but then it starts getting dark and we are all alone and i thought we were going to get raped by these guys that were behind us. then it starts to thunder and lightning and we had to run the last half of a mile back to rahima's car. The second day i went shopping at the best mall in atlanta and i got an so many clothes! all of which were on sale! it was brilliant. and i got a cookie from the Great American Cookie Factory, which makes the best chocolate chip cookies in the entire world. the third day i relived my childhood again because we went to this science museum called Fernbank to see an imax about dolphins. we were the oldest people there by like 10 years other than parents. and i got a cheetah poster. the fourth day was the best. rahima, our friend sarah, and i went to this waterpark we all used to go to near the resort my parents were staying at, Lake Lanier, and we went on all the water slides. it was sooo fun!!!! then we met my parents at their hotel and had lunch and swam in the pool. and i got sunburned, which hasn't happened to me in forever since i haven't been in the sun because all it does in new york now is rain. so i'm kind of happy about it. the rest of the trip was boring college visiting which i don't have to get into. Well I hope y'all didn't miss me too much.
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[10 Jul 2004|05:06pm] |
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wait...what happened? why is my new icon not displayed? i think i'm going to go throw myself off a gorge
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[10 Jul 2004|05:05pm] |
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KIM LOOK HOW TALENTED I AM!!! I gave myself a new icon all by myself!! mwahaha. I should be writing my paper now. But who has time for that when there are sooo many johnny pics to choose from? my pals and i are going to have a johnny party tonight. my mommy sent up my chocolat and pirates dvds and we are going to watch them on someone's computer! yay for johnny! yay for computers! i think the chronic lack of sleep is getting to me.
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[05 Jul 2004|12:28pm] |
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SO...the latest is that there's this really hot French guy named Louis. omg omg omg he's sooooo hot!!!! aaahhh. he's the hottest guy i've seen who is not a movie star (besides rich of course). i have no chance though. nobody is sure if he's even straight and if he is my friend has dibs on him. sigh. oh well. i shall continue to admire him from afar
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[30 Jun 2004|02:21pm] |
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98% of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% who hasn't copy & paste this into your journal.
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[30 Jun 2004|02:09pm] |
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HELLO PEEPS!!
I'm at Cornell now and having a blast!! everyone is soo nice. I've made more friends here than i ever have when i've gone away (but don't worry i still miss y'all a lot...PLEASE call me any time!!) My psych course is unbelieveably fascinating although i'm beginning to question whether any thoughts or opinions we have can be considered genuine because everything seems to be just some trick of our psychie. I'll talk about it more when i come home if anyone is interested. For those of you who knew her, i've become really good friends with Eunice!!! haha she's really cool. and i'm filling her in on all the dalton gossip so watch out! Sadly i have not met any hot, straight guys. but that's ok. I have all of you wonderful attractive people to come home to (aka johnny on my wall). omg i'm absolutely exhausted. i stay up all night chatting and i'm at the point where i hate all people. my roommmate is from alabama and it's cool to have a fellow southerner. but omg it's kind of wierd because we were having this discussion and i found out that she's like the leader of the popular clique of girls. you know, the "plastic" equivalent that every school has. so we are at like complete opposite ends. i was like, "what's it like to have everyone know who you are?" and she was like "well ya but lots of people hate me and my life is under a microscope. everyone knows what i do on the weekends and stuff" and she said that she and her group aren't as happy as they seem and there's always some form of fighting going on. I was proud to tell her that my small group is really close and although we may be small and not party animals and not popular, we never fight and we all love each other. (MOMENT! HUGS ALL AROUND!)well i should really study. miss you all! welcome home lucky i'm so happy to hear you had a great time and that you have discovered the fun of dancing!! kim and insia i'm glad that you guys are enjoying nyu. rich, if you still exist i hope you are having fun in italy! i miss you all! btw kim, hot bana page!
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[26 May 2004|11:13pm] |
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I'm on one of my I love lj phases, so everybody be happy while it lasts. ugh something is bothering me. Nothing to do with any of y'all don't worry. I'm not talking about it but i figure this IS a journal and that i should be able to vent in SOME way. Anway i must get out my frustration so: GGGGGGRRRRRRRAAROIAFULAKGJLAKGJOAISJFLKASDJFL,CVMKLASFJ;LASKFJLAWEJRIOAWEJRKLSFJLKASDFJKLASFJKLAS
Ok i feel a little better. Anyway, life is good and stressful at the same time. I GOT ALL 4 OF MY HISTORIES!!! (sorry sarah. i heard you talking about how slick screwed you over today) Anyway, but i'm not registered for a second semester english. and i talked to johnson and he was like you have to change your art and i'm like no i can't do that i've taken it all of highschool, i'm doing my senior project in it, and it's basically my life and a means of maintaining my sanity. I think a hippo would have understood me better. and HE'S MY ENGLISH TEACHER NEXT YEAR! WTF!!
Life was so much simpler when we were 5. Why can't I just be an elf and live in middle earth. or be johnny depp's one true love. Then life would be happy and stress free. But alas.
Ok something happy. Ah, yes i know! I'm serving lunch for the elderly mad tomorrow at service day. Thank God Julia is in my group so at least i'll have someone to talk to if some senile old man drools on me. Gladstone and Karly Zaken need to be shot. Wow i'm in a brilliant mood. I actually feel happier than i seem. It just feels good to get it all out ya know? I pitty the poor souls who actually read this.
Oh wait i know something happy! Mr. Rubin is an absolute genius. I mean he's really a creative genius! He gave his annual presentation of the work he has done over his lifetime and it's just incredible. I mean the stuff he came up with! it's so inspiring!!! It's just unbelieveable. I mean, for example, my favorite thing of his is he went to this brick making factory in omaha nebraska where he had an art residency and asked like the 80 year old guy who owned the place if he could make bricks out of his own mold. and the guy said yes. So what he did was took away the thing that makes the concrete or whatever come out in the shape of a brick and put a mold of the old guy's hand there instead! So he just made tons and tons of these brick hands!!! there were some other more creative and totally awesome stuff he did but just the fact of what his mind was able to think of. It blew me away. I was truly inspired. Yay i've made myself happy again. OMG THIS IS ACTUALLY A LONG JOURNAL ENTRY!! Kim will be so proud :)
PS: GO TROJANS!!
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[26 May 2004|11:11pm] |
updating for lucy.....i just think it's ironic that you're killing off all the lotr people....it makes me LAUGH! like dis....HAHAHAHAHAHHAAAHHAHAHHAHAHAAA!!! -Kim :))
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[26 May 2004|10:45pm] |
This is the best
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[26 May 2004|10:40pm] |
Omg no!! How can this BE!!
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[26 Apr 2004|08:13pm] |
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So Emma and Mitchell are going out. I should be happy for them. I AM happy for them. It was always meant to be. But i'm more sad than happy. I'm bitter. I know that makes me a bad person, but i just can't help it. First of all, there is a definite rift between emma and I (kim i know you have felt this too), which is extremely depressing. Also, I'm sad. I want a boyfriend. I want to go out with someone! and I feel like I totally blew my chance! I broke up with mark. Maybe if I had just given him a chance...but i mean i really wasn't comfortable. ugh i don't know. Prom is coming up and i feel more and more depressed every day. I know that nobody is going to ask me, and the people i know who are going will all have someone to go with. and then there will be me. alone. i can't help feeling really unhappy about it. life just generally sucks and i've wanted to get this out for a while.
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[18 Apr 2004|09:55pm] |
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I AM A PEERLEADER!!!!!
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